Hello Chicagoland…this is Howard Miller speaking to you about an extremely important problem facing our city. This problem is a Chicago-wide conspiracy by revolutionaries to take over the airwaves. Dozens of hippies throughout the city plan to turn on illegal broadcasting transmitters so that the rest of our nation’s youth will be lured into tuning in, smoking dope, becoming revolutionaries, and dropping out of our society. This conspiracy must be stopped, and the only way to stop it is through knowledge. This newspaper has patriotically consented to publish the personal account of an ex-conspirator whom I personally saved from a life of doom by making him my janitor. Read on and hear the heart-chilling story of the young man who once was a dope-taking, hippie, commie, long-haired, brain-washing media freak.